Peter’s Humor – Summer 2013

Q: Why do Hunters wear blaze-orange hats?
A: To hide the Air Valve!

A hunter was traveling by airplane for the first time in his life. He was planning to attend a gun show in New York. He sat down in an empty first class seat instead of his assigned seat farther back. When a flight attendant saw this, she asked him to go to the back and take his assigned seat. The hunter was adamant.  “I paid for my ticket like everybody else, I got here first, and I’ll sit here if I want to.” The flight attendant brought over other flight attendants to try and move him but he continued to be obstinate. Finally, one flight attendant got the captain. He came back, whispered something in the hunter’s ear; he immediately got up and went to his assigned seat. The flight attendants were impressed; they asked the captain what he said to the hunter to get him to move. He shrugged, “I just told him that first class was going directly to Afghanistan without stopping in New York.”

A hunter goes to the barber shop for a haircut.  The barber asks him to take the headphones off his head so he can cut his hair.  The hunter refuses.  The barber explains very patiently that he must remove his headphones or there is simply no way he can cut his hair.  The hunter insists that it is vitally important for him to always keep his headphones on.  The barber becomes so incensed that he forcefully rips his head-phones off whereupon the hunter collapses on the floor and dies. The barber picks up the headphones curious what the hunter’s life-sustaining message was.  He hears: “Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.”

An environmentalist, a hiker and a hunter were working together on a project to map out a large wooded area. They were bringing their lunch with them so they could keep going. A few days into the second week the environmentalist opens his lunch box and exclaims “Steamed broccoli!!!. If my wife packs me one more lunch of just steamed broccoli – I’ll throw it out and just eat the wild flowers around here.”

The hiker opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Nuts and raisins again!  If I get nuts and raisins one more time for lunch I’ll just throw it out and go without lunch.”

The hunter opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’ll shoot myself!”

The next day the environmentalist opened his lunchbox and sees steamed broccoli; he throws it out and starts to eat the wildflowers in the area. The hiker opens his lunch box and sees nuts and raisins; he just throws them out in disgust.  The hunter opens his lunchbox and sees bologna so he shoots himself.

The hiker shakes his head “How could his wife do this to him? The environmentalist explains sadly “He wasn’t married; he makes his own lunch!”

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Committee to Abolish Sport Hunting / C.A.S.H.
P.O. Box 562
New Paltz, NY 12561