Peter’s Humor? – Spring 2008

C.A.S.H. apologizes if you are not amused.

Two hunters are following the tracks of a grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up the nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hunter starts taking off his heavy leather hiking boots and pulls a pair of sleek running shoes from his back-pack. The second hunter gives him a puzzled look and says, “What in the world are you doing?” He replies, “I figure when the bear gets close to us, we’ll jump down and make a run for it.” The second guy says, “Are you crazy? We both know you can’t outrun a full-grown grizzly bear.” The first guy says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear… I only have to outrun you!”


Two hunting buddies, Joe and Jeremiah, went to the bar for a drink; they sat on stools as the 6 o’clock news came on. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge and Joe bet Jeremiah $50 that he wouldn’t jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so Joe gave Jeremiah $50. Jeremiah said, “I can’t take this, we’re hunting buddies and you’re my friend.” But Joe insisted, saying, “No. a bet’s a bet.”

Finally the winner confessed: “Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 o’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

Joe replied “Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again.”


A group of wannabe hunters were taking their final test after taking the hunting safety course. Finally, with a lot of help from the instructor, they all got a passing score except for one who didn’t seem to get anything right.

The instructor was about to fail him but all his classmates pleaded “Aw come-on give him another chance.”

Moved by such a display of class loyalty, the instructor relented and said – “Okay, I’ll just ask you a simple math question: “How much is 57+2?”

The hunter-candidate thought for a while and finally answered “55.” Immediately the others again pleaded “Aw come-on, give him another chance.”

“Ok how much is 42 +3” This time he thought long and hard and finally came up with “39.” the other applicants again pleaded “Aw come-on give him another chance.”

The instructor looked chagrined and said “Ok – but this is positively your last chance – how much is 2 +1?” After consulting the fingers on his hand he proudly announced “3.”

Immediately the others pleaded “Aw come-on give him another chance.”


A hunter had been hunting in Alaska. Upon his return, he came down with a terrible illness. After his health had deteriorated, his wife took him to a doctor who specialized in Alaskan hunting diseases.

The doctor gave him a complete examination and a series of tests. After receiving the results of the tests, he told the hunter’s wife, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. Here’s what you have to do: “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores, and generally do anything he asks. Don’t discuss your problems with him, as it will only make his stress worse. If you can do that for the next three months or so, he has good chance to recover. Otherwise he’ll probably die.”

On the way home, the hunter asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?” She replied. “Honey…..he says you’re probably going to die.”


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Committee to Abolish Sport Hunting / C.A.S.H.
P.O. Box 562
New Paltz, NY 12561