PETER’S HUMOR? – Fall-Winter 1999-2000

Hunting’s not a joke, but hunters and game agents are!

By Peter Muller

Q. How does a hunter show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. How many hunters does it take to buy a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don’t know; it has never happened.

Q. Why are women who are married to hunters heavier than other women?
A. Most women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Women married to hunters come home, see what’s in the bed and go to the fridge.

Q. Where do you find good and decent hunters?
A. In the cemetery

Q. Why do they bury hunters 12 feet deep and other people only 6 feet deep?
A. Deep down they’re good.

 

One hunter accidentally shot his buddy. He dragged the body to the nearest road and called the police to report the accident. When the desk sergeant asked him where he was, the hunter told him he was at the gas station on Massachusetts Road. “How do you spell that?” asked the sergeant. The hunter was totally puzzled for a few minutes — then he ventured: “I suppose I could drag him over to Oak Rd and you can pick him up there.”

A question found on an ethics midterm: You are in the woods with a camera during hunting season to document what hunting is really like. You see one hunter take aim at what appears to him to be a bear but from your vantage point you can see quite clearly that it is another hunter. You can save a terrible accident by shouting a warning — or you can simply document the accident. What shutter speed should you use?

BALD EAGLE BITES CLINTON
The London Telegraph July 3, 1999

A BALD EAGLE, the emblem of the United States, bit President Clinton at a ceremony on the White House lawn yesterday. Mr. Clinton’s staff had arranged for the eagle, Challenger, to be present when he announced that the species was being taken off the endangered list after a 27-year conservation project.  The President described the eagle as the “living symbol of our democracy” and then moved over to talk to the bird’s handler, Al Cesari.  Mr. Clinton looked distinctly uneasy as he stood just out of pecking distance of the bird, whose image appears on the great seal of the United States, on the dollar bill and a host of other national symbols.  As the President turned to congratulate volunteers from the eagle-salvation programme who were standing behind Challenger’s perch, the 10-year-old bird bent forward and pecked him hard on the left hand.  Mr. Clinton withdrew his hand quickly, shook it and inspected the damage, as an embarrassed Mr. Cesari moved in.  A spokesman for the White House said later: “The President was bitten, but no blood was drawn.  He told aides as he left the ceremony that he was sure that bird was not the only creature in Washington who would like to have a go at him .”

Looks like Clinton should keep the Bald Eagle and Democracy in America on the endangered species list a little longer.