Peter’s Humor? Fall 2008

C.A.S.H. apologizes if you are not amused.

Sharon Pawlak Came Up With This One – Hilarious!

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, “The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind.” They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity.

Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, “Do you know where we are?” “I think so,” replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!”


A Great One From Natalie Jarnstedt

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Missouri. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, “I shot a duck. It fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Missouri. We settle small disagreements like this with the “Three Kick Rule.”

The lawyer asked, “What is the Three Kick Rule?”

The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”

The attorney quickly thought  about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.” The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the  duck.”


A conservationist and a preservationist are taking a hike in the wilderness. Each is trying to impress the other with his powers of observation and knowledge of nature.

Suddenly the conservationist yells out “Did you see that?” “No,” admits the preservationist. “Well, a pair of bald eagles just flew overhead; they’re doing their courting ritual flight and dive. It’s quite something to observe.”

A few minutes later, the conservationist again yells out, “Did you see that?” “See what?” asks the preservationist. “Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there with three cubs.”

By now, preservationist is getting suspicious that he’s being bamboozled, so he yells out, “Did you see that?” The conservations, not wanting to admit that he missed a point in this observation contest replies “Of course, I did!” To which the preservationist points out: “Then why did you step in it?”


Did you hear about the hunter who won the target shooting gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.


A wannabe hunter was taking the hunting safety course. In the lesson about accidents, the instructor kept stressing that 90% of accidents occur around the home. That bothered him a great deal so he decided to move.


Here’s Another Great One From Sharon Pawlak:

Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his shotgun to shoot.

‘Don’t waste your time,’ Pat hollered. ‘The shotgun’s not loaded.’
‘I can’t wait,’ Mike shouted back. ‘The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!’”


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