PETER’S HUMOR? – Fall / Winter 2003-2004

Ted Nugent is visiting a school to promote hunting In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” says Ted Nugent “That would be an ACCIDENT.”

A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside…that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explains Ted Nugent. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

“What?” asks Ted Nugent “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If you were out hunting with your wife and some friends and both you and your wife got shot in the head, *that* would be a tragedy.”

“Wonderful!” Ted Nugent beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!”

Three hunters get lost in the woods and see no way to get back. They’re out of food, out of water and out of ammo. Out of desperation they start to pray very fervently that God may intervene in their plight and save them from certain death. Sure –enough a booming voice tells them that this time and this time only he will grant each one them a wish.

The first hunter says “Oh God – I do miss my family I wish to be reunited with them.. Poof – he vanishes .The second hunter says “I never should have left my wife to come on this stupid trip – I just wish I were back with her. Poof – he disappears also. The Third hunter says “I’m not married and I don’t have a family – I don’t really have anybody except my hunting buddies so I just wish my hunting buddies were here with me.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he’s telling some hunting jokes.

A mean looking redneck in the audience stands up and starts shouting: ”I’ve heard enough of your stupid hunter jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype hunters that way? We are just as educated and intelligent as non-hunters. We contribute to our community more that most people – so I want you to cut out your jokes that impugn the intelligence of hunters or step outside right now so we can settle this.”

The ventriloquist is worried and begins to apologize, when the hunter yells, ”You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”


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